I’m sorry for my anxiety and the stress it causes not only you but me. Making difficulties is the last thing I want but the first thing that happens. Anxiety is something I’ve had issues with for a while. Now I’ve finally learnt it’s caused me so many issues and I question to myself what am I doing? It’s time to finally accept it.
Whenever I get into a situation I don’t like, I just run away. I get flustered and panicky and I just want to leave giving myself a chance to breath. I’ve never been good at facing fears. My intentions aren’t to upset anyone or even effect anyone else. Just in that one moment everything gets a little too much and I just want to be alone. This is something that I do a lot, I’m not good with other people seeing my emotions.
I’m sorry I get awkward in social situations. When people crowd round and there’s little space I hate it. I get tense and worried, stupid I know but I just can’t help it. Walking in between small spaces and I just feel trapped. No exit no entry. My hands get clammy and I clench my fists to help control my anxiousness.
My anxiety strikes bad every time I’m upset. One little thing can set me off it can be so stupid but then to me I get worked up and start to think about everything negative. My worst trait is I’m a over thinker. No matter what it is I’ll over think and end up making it the worst situation ever. And I can’t help this. The original thing shouldn’t get to me but I play on this and make this worse. A passing comment can end up being so upsetting when in reality nothing was meant. To me everything has some sort of negative and that’s just how I think. I am paranoid. I feel like everyone’s watching me. Everyone’s talking about me. When I see people laughing I just think they are laughing at me. I know people aren’t Negative thoughts overwhelm me.
Being in a wheelchair has really opened up my eyes. As much as I love being able to get out the house I hate using it. I’ve always been paranoid about being looking at me. No matter what I always feel like they are. Being in a wheelchair makes me really start to notice it. Everyone looks you up and down and tries to asses what is wrong with you. When they catch your eye they give you a little smile. Don’t get me wrong smiling at someone is nice but when i get about 10x more smiles than normal it just makes me feel on edge. I love going shopping and always have done I’ve never really thought about how difficult it could be in a wheelchair. In many shops I won’t even fit between isles and I can’t deal with the attention being brought to me. Everyone watching me struggle just makes me panic and again I want to get out. No matter if that shops my favourite shop or the one shop I came for, I’ll leave.
This year I’m trying to be positive and I’ve decided I’m not going to let my anxiety bother me anymore. If you have read my recent personal posts you know that I want this year to be so good. I want to be happy and make the most of everything. I’m not going to let anxiety bring me down and make me feel uncomfortable in situations. Time for positivity!