I’m sorry for my Anxiety

I’m sorry for my anxiety and the stress it causes not only you but me. Making difficulties is the last thing I want but the first thing that happens. Anxiety is something I’ve had issues with for a while. Now I’ve finally learnt it’s caused me so many issues and I question to myself what am I doing? It’s time to finally accept it.

Whenever I get into a situation I don’t like, I just run away. I get flustered and panicky and I just want to leave giving myself a chance to breath. I’ve never been good at facing fears. My intentions aren’t to upset anyone or even effect anyone else. Just in that one moment everything gets a little too much and I just want to be alone. This is something that I do a lot, I’m not good with other people seeing my emotions. 

I’m sorry I get awkward in social situations.  When people crowd round and there’s little space I hate it. I get tense and worried, stupid I know but I just can’t help it. Walking in between small spaces and I just feel trapped. No exit no entry. My hands get clammy and I clench my fists to help control my anxiousness. 

My anxiety strikes bad every time I’m upset. One little thing can set me off it can be so stupid but then to me I get worked up and start to think about everything negative. My worst trait is I’m a over thinker. No matter what it is I’ll over think and end up making it the worst situation ever. And I can’t help this. The original thing shouldn’t get to me but I play on this and make this worse. A passing comment can end up being so upsetting when in reality nothing was meant. To me everything has some sort of negative and that’s just how I think. I am paranoid. I feel like everyone’s watching me. Everyone’s talking about me. When I see people laughing I just think they are laughing at me. I know people aren’t Negative thoughts overwhelm me. 

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Being in a wheelchair has really opened up my eyes. As much as I love being able to get out the house I hate using it. I’ve always been paranoid about being looking at me. No matter what I always feel like they are. Being in a wheelchair makes me really start to notice it. Everyone looks you up and down and tries to asses what is wrong with you. When they catch your eye they give you a little smile. Don’t get me wrong smiling at someone is nice but when i get about 10x more smiles than normal it just makes me feel on edge. I love going shopping and always have done I’ve never really thought about how difficult it could be in a wheelchair. In many shops I won’t even fit between isles and I can’t deal with the attention being brought to me. Everyone watching me struggle just makes me panic and again I want to get out. No matter if that shops my favourite shop or the one shop I came for, I’ll leave.

This year I’m trying to be positive and I’ve decided I’m not going to let my anxiety bother me anymore. If you have read my recent personal posts you know that I want this year to be so good. I want to be happy and make the most of everything. I’m not going to let anxiety bring me down and make me feel uncomfortable in situations. Time for positivity!

H xxx

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35 Comments

  1. I cried the other day because I ran out of petrol and had to go fill my car up…the stupidest thing, which ended up being completely stress-free, but anxiety just gets a hold of me! Really enjoyed the post x

  2. Related to this so much! Never be sorry for your mental health though, it’s not your fault and no one can help feeling the way they do! Pat yourself on the back for the little things you do get through everyday but remember it’s ok to have bad days and you aren’t alone when you feel anxious in certain situations!

    ‘Stars can’t shine without darkness’

    I’m hoping this year is a good one for you!

  3. Such a lovely post that so many people can relate too – not everyone is as brave to admit what they are suffering with! Anxiety is the worst, you can be feeling so terrible with it on the inside but because nobody can see it so many people suffer alone! You can see from all of the other comments people relate and also go through this. You should be proud of yourself xx

    Bethany || https://happiinmyskin.blogspot.co.uk/

  4. Sending you a hug and letting you know that you are a sweetheart. I hope that as life goes on you are able to learn from your anxiety and reap all the amazing benefits it can bring into your life. I know its hard to get in that mindset but just keep your mind open to the idea of it and maybe someday you will get there. In the meantime, keep your chin up and don’t apologize for who you are.

    PS – Over-thinking is a super power. It’s all about finding the right way to use it. 😉

  5. This is such an inspiring quote Harriet… Just and FYI though… You are a gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous human inside an out and you should NEVER apologise for who you are. People will be lucky to be part of your life and part of your funny and witty personality and no one!

  6. Harriet, this is so brave of you to share your emotions this deeply! Be proud of yourself. Also, just think, if ever you come across someone looking at you and talking, yes they could be talking about you but what if it’s a compliment/nice thing? Jealous of your beauty? Proud of your braveness?

    If anything worries you can always DM me or email me <3
    @dc.and.pp dcandpp@gmail.com
    xx

  7. Even though we have completely different situations, to the first part of this post. I understand how you feel completely.
    But with everything you are going thorough, just remember you are not alone out there. It doesn’t matter if you are in a wheelchair, you’re re as equal as the next person.
    You’re such a strong amazing individual, and you make me want overcome my anxiety and depression so much because of how strong you are.

    Always here If you need anyone to rlwk to, no matter what time of day.

    Alys
    http://www.alysgeorge.co.uk

  8. Wow -anxiety is so difficult at times, it can take over our lives and influence our actions. I think anxiety and over-thinking go hand in hand really. I hope your anxiety bothers you less. Sometimes it is helpful to worry or think about situations – it can help us understand but can be our own radar telling us when something isn’t quite right It’s hard to get the balance sometimes, but I hope you do.

  9. Don’t be sorry. Don’t be sorry if society doesn’t acknowledge mental health issues as a serious issue and makes it as bad as a headache. Anxiety is hard to live with. You’re super strong, brave and deserves as much love as it could possibly be sent! Sending love and virtual hugs! be proud of who you are! xx Corinne from Corinne & Kirsty

  10. All the love girl, never be sorry for your mental health. It’s not your fault and your strength shown through this post is exactly the reason why you shouldn’t. You’re so strong and brave and you’ll get there xxx

  11. Literally sending all the love and hugs to you, lovely! I really hope it gets better for you, because you deserve it so much. Never apologise for your mental health, sweets. It’s never your fault that you’re struggling. Keep your chin up and be fearless.

    – Chloe
    chloetommo.co.uk
    xoxo

  12. Always here Harriet, you are one strong woman. Good on you for deciding to not let your anxiety get the better of you! And NEVER be sorry for having anxiety. Big hugs, always here for a chat <3 xoxo

  13. This was such a lovely read and so captivating. It’s obvious that you’ve written this from the heart. It makes me feel sad that you are having to say sorry for having anxiety, you shouldn’t be. Mental health is such an importance and the fact that you are addressing it and wanting to be better, is a great thing to do. Just remember, don’t put yourself down if you have a bit of a down day. It happens and just think that tomorrow is a new day.

    Belle | bellebrick.blogspot.co.uk
    xo

  14. I like that you are owning your feelings, I have to remember to own sad instead of ignoring or pushing down those feelings. I read something that I really liked from Brene Brown, that feelings come in waves of about 90 seconds, that has really helped me allow those feelings to wash over me and pause knowing they will pass.

  15. I’ve just messaged you on instagram but thought I’d leave a little comment here too. I have been trying to manage my anxiety and it’s made situations really tough at times. It’s actually resulted in cancelling my own wedding (for the time being at least). I’m always apologising for feeling anxious or worked up but I know I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t feel sorry and neither should you.
    Glad I found your blog, I really love your writing.
    Well done on being so strong.
    Here’s to a positive 2017!

    Jenn
     Photo-Jenn-ic 
    X

  16. Hey good for you! I wish you all the luck and strength in the world in reaching your goal. I too am a fan of positivity 🙂 I’m kind of new to your blog so I was just wondering, if you don’t mind me asking, have you been in a wheelchair for a while? Or is this a more recent thing?

  17. Dear, you needn’t say sorry for it.We are human beings so that everybody has been keeping in touch with anxiety. It’s not our fault.It’s just called we’re in real life far from drama.Yeah, so do I.I feel most of my time like no more wanna meet anyone especially when I get much stressed and feel like depressed.The reason why is here I don’t never want anyone else to see my weakness. I guess you’re the same.You know, this type of us just bases on getting strong and positive to go ahead.May be you thought that you’re not good at social mostly in feeling down. But I’d like to say what I consider is that most parts of you don’t actually want anybody confused of you. That’s why, you couldn’t have never shown what you got hurt or upset. Babe, you’re too kind you know it? And you’ve been already a positive person. I’m very sure of you getting much more Positive and Stronger than before. Please don’t forget that we’re human so that it’s not to think sorrowful when we get anxiety. LIFE IS A COLOURFUL ART SO!
    YOU ARE SPECIAL, MY DEAR! 🙂

  18. Dear, you needn’t say sorry for it.We are human beings so that everybody hasbeen in touch with anxiety. It’s not our fault.It’s just called we’re in real lifefar from drama.Yeah, so do I.I feel most of my time like no more wanna mwet anyone especially when I get much stressed and feel like depressed.The reason why is here I don’t never want anyone else to see my weakness. I guess you’re the same.You know, this type of us just bases on getting strong and positive to go ahead.May be you thought that you’re not good at social mostly in feeling down. But I’d like to say what I consider is that most parts of you don’t actually want anybody confused of you. That’s why, you couldn’t have never shiwn what you got hurt or upset. Babe, you’re too kind you know it? And you’ve been already a positive person. I’m very sure of you getting much more Positive and Stronger than before. Please don’t forget that we’re human so that it’s not to think sorrowful when we get anxiety. LIFE IS A COLOURFUL ART SO!
    YOU ARE SPECIAL, MY DEAR! 🙂

  19. This was so touching and I don’t know what to say apart from you’re so strong. Anxiety is such a terrible, terrible thing and it’s a shame it can affect people so much. I can so relate with overthinking and I sometimes feel like that too but try not to show it and the bad thoughts get the best of me. But you, are a wonderful, wonderful girl who is so lovable. No matter what your personality is like or who you are and what you do, you’re you at the end of the day and that’s why you’re one of my favourite blogger friends. I hope everyday is filled with love and laughter for you. You deserve the best and the best only girl. Love u so much!

  20. Don’t be sorry for how you feel sweetie !
    I’m also suffering from anxiety, especially when there is super crowded places or public transports etc… and I know that it’s terrible to live with that but remind yourself that you’re not the only one going through that and lots of people know what you’re facing. Stay strong and positive, I took Yoga classes with a focus on the breath and it helps me a little !
    But don’t apologize for that, you’re the one in pain and if people can’t understand that, then it’s not your fault. Live for yourself cause at the end what people think is not important.
    Have a nice evening dear, and even in hard times try to stay positive ! cause you’re stronger than you think you are 🙂 <3 <3

  21. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! don’t ever be sorry for your mental health I know its hard not to be because me and you are more a like than you know it terms of mental health, I know how it feels to just want the ground to swallow you up whole just so you can leave a situation or not getting out of bed because you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders 10x’s more some days than others. I know how it feels and I want to say I am here for you, I will always be here we may be miles apart but I know how lonely anxiety can be and sometimes you feel isolated from the world because they don’t understand. Trying to explain why you had a panic attack or why you have to leave a room swiftly makes things like going out and facing the world hard, you are braver than you know. My messages on social media are always open if you’re having a good day or a bad day I will always be here to listen,
    Hayley
    xxx

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