For years I look at myself and just fill my thoughts with hate. Stopping seeing yourself negatively is such a hard thing to achieve. For years I’ve looked at it to be wrong to love yourself, I saw people has ‘cocky’ and self obsessed. Little did I realise that one day I would wish I had that confidence and I wish I never saw them the way I did. Confidence is the best trait one can have. Hating myself won’t chnage anything, it will just drag me down. Learning to love myself is a huge challenge and it won’t happen over night it’s going to be a long process but why stick to being so unhappy when I can work on changing it.
Body Confidence is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. Learning to love how I look is challenging, currently I am not happy with my body but instead of beating myself up about it I’m learning how to love it.
The simple numbers on the scale would hold everything to me. I would determine how good I looked due to those numbers and would classify if my weight was ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I would obsessively weigh myself and allow the number to determine my mood for the day. No matter how I was feeling before or what I actually looked like it was that number that mattered to me. Even 1/2lb would bother me, if I wasn’t what I wanted I saw myself as fat. There would be no change in how my body looked. After weighing myself at least twice a day I think it’s time to ditch the sales. The number means nothing, We’ve all seen those photos when people actually look better heavier, that’s why I need to start doing. Instead you judging my body on a stupid number, it’s time to judge my body on how I feel. Its irrelevant. Don’t judge yourself through that, look in the mirror and use how your feeling to determine whether you are fit or not.
Instagram accounts have become my worst nightmare, I follow around 10 of them and they are becoming toxic. It’s full of girls standing with their skinny tea with the waistrainer on. Neither of these things are healthy and it’s promoting young girls with the wrong idea that you can just use them to magically become fit. I’m fed up of looking at girls with toned bodies that I’m never going to achieve. Yes I want to achieve the best body I can, but we are all different and my body shape naturally isn’t the same as theirs. So why am aspiring to be something I can’t? It’s pointless and leads to unnecessary negativity, that makes me body shame myself. After seeing one of these I would then see myself as ‘fat’ and constantly compare myself to them.We are all different for a reason, don’t aspire to be or look like someone else, because lets face it you’re never going to be like them. You are you, you’re an individual and we are all different for a reason. Don’t use other people as goals, be your own goals, just aspire to be the best version of yourself you can be.
From 4 months of studying at university I’ve learnt so much more about health, wellbeing and fitness. These have all lead to me rethinking about my own body confidence. I haven’t been able to exercise for over 6 months. It’s made me hate my body even more as although there has been a small change, to me I hate everything and I feel as if I’ve put on so much weight when I reality I’ve put on almost none. In my head I hate what I see as I can’t do anything to change it. Exercise is so key for you,obviously it improves your physical fitness but what many people don’t know it helps you mentally so much. You release hormones endorphins and basically they just make you feel happy and reduce depression and anxiety, so as well as feeling physically fitter you can also mentally feel better and learn to love yourself.
When I was working out at least five times a week I was swimming in confidence. There wasn’t much change to my body but I felt I was doing something to it and therefor in my head it was better. I would start to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I look good today. Telling myself this slowly over and over actually made me believe it. I never had to tell myself it anymore I just felt it. I started to look in the mirror and like how I look, I would not only feel more confident I would also feel happy and just overall more positive. Unfortunately since being unable to exercise my confidence has plummeted and I hate myself over and over again. Instead of hating something I can’t help, I’m learning to love who I am. I’m not in the best shape I’ve ever bee it but I’m in the best shape for my situation. Don’t get this confused with making excuses, being fit or happy isn’t about time or money. It’s about what you can do and if your doing it, it’s about learning to love what you got, because you’re always better off than someone.
I no longer want to look like someone else as I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am never going to be them. I am an individual and so are you, we are ourselves, so lets be who the hell we want to be. I don’t care about what anyone thinks about my body anymore, because you know what, I’m the only person with this body so I’m going to wear it with pride.
Love yourself for you. Be happy for you, because you are amazing, and no one else is you.